We used to flit from friend group to friend group, not caring to stay too long or get too attached because making friends was easy, and besides, leaving didn't mean not coming back.
We used to flirt and fight and get excited and upset, all in one breath, then go home to our families and not care because whatever, we were babies.
We used to show up when we were told to, do what was asked of us, go home to kill time before doing it all over again, all the while not worrying about what that meant for anyone else, because hey - we were doing what we were supposed to.
We made spontaneous decisions; we changed our minds; we made mistakes and messes. Not a problem.
But then we started to grow up...and somewhere along the way, things changed.
We started to stick with our friend groups, no longer united as "friends forever" just because we were in the same grade. Leaving started to be the end of something - sometimes because we grew separately and took different paths, sometimes because we burned bridges with purpose and intent.
Flirting started to lead to more than fighting - it led to dates and dinners and walks and songs and sweet nothings whispered when no one else was around. And when we went home, we didn't leave the other behind - they stuck around for dinner and homework and cuddles that somehow began to gain more and more significance...this time we could get married, if we really wanted to.
Things we were supposed to do suddenly became our responsibilities, but we were on our own this time. We went to classes and to jobs and to meetings, knowing that us being wherever we were actually meant something.
We couldn't make such spontaneous decisions anymore, because people were counting on us, relying on us, expecting us to step up to the plate.
Any decision made now affects so many others. It's no longer only about me. Given that I'm not a particularly selfish human being, I don't mind. I'm good at responsibility; it suits me...yet still, sometimes it's too much. There's too much riding on me. Responsibilities I didn't know would be mine so soon have become mine, labeled clearly with my name, screaming at me that they depend on me, that whatever I do, whatever I will decide will affect them.
But you know what? I'm 21-years-young. And I didn't sign up for this.
No decision that I have ever made has been made with forever in mind. Not a single one.
And here I sit, with decisions to make. Decisions that I wish only effected me. But it's too late for that. Because I grew up, and that means things aren't as simple.
And that means it's time to grow up some more.