What a difference a year makes.

Last year at this time, I was in a serious relationship. I always had someone to hang out with, to talk to, to share things with.

This year, I am single. I am often by myself, but that's okay. I still have someone I can always talk to (that's why God gave me sisters!), and these people actually appreciate listening to me (no, I'm not bitter. I'm realistic). I still have people to share things with.

I also have better grades.

Last year at this time, I lived a long mile away from campus. I schlepped my way to and from class every day, sometimes multiple times, before schlepping 1.8 miles to my boyfriend's house. I had to leave much earlier to get places on time (and sweat-free), and it always seemed like such a long walk to get back to a place I really didn't want to be in the first place.

This year, I live two blocks from campus. One-and-a-half, to be precise. I no longer have to schlep to class - I simply walk, taking my sweet time, relishing in the fact that I don't have to plan for a journey to get where I need to go. And when I walk home, I am going somewhere I want to be, which really makes a huge difference.

Last year at this time, I didn't know much about who I was. I was still filling the roles I'd been filling for so long without question, and didn't realize how discontented I was with that.

This year, I still don't know much about who I am. I still fill the roles I've been filling for so long, but now it's not for lack of questioning, but because I know that's who I want to be. I'm still exploring and still figuring things out, and I've gotten better at standing up for myself (even when the only person I'm standing up to is me), and I've given myself the opportunity to be whoever it is I want (and need) to be.

I love personal growth.

Last year at this time, I never would have dreamed of leaving the country for non-school related purposes. I had things to do, places to be, and I was in a rush to hurry up and get there.

This year, I am considering spending part of my summer volunteering abroad. I'm not sure if it will logistically work out, but the fact that I'm even considering it means a lot to me. I've started to slow down, to take second and third looks, and I've realized that I'm in no hurry to get out there in the big, bad, real world that's awaiting my graduation. I've decided to take my time for many reasons, and I'm happy with this decision.

Last year at this time, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I was stressed and confused, surrounded by people who seemed to have plans and seemed to have their lives figured out.

This year, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I am no longer stressed, and I am no longer confused. I am surrounded by people who seem to have plans and who seem to have their lives figured out...but now I don't make the mistake of assuming they have it all together - because things are never as they seem. I'm pretty sure that even people with plans don't know exactly where they're going.

A favorite quote of mine comes from a musician I love, Jason Reeves. He fills his twitter with musings that succeed at making me think, and I can't get enough of this one and how much it fits my life:

"You can only be lost if you fall under the illusion that you know your destination. We are all wandering in wonder..."

I love this. Not only is it reassuring to hear that there's someone else out there who believes that you can be okay with out a plan (this is especially comforting to someone like me who struggles to function without plans), but I love when someone eloquently states a thought that has been wandering aimlessly through my brain with trouble turning into something coherent.

Last year at this time, I was probably already behind on my homework. Spending time with the boyfriend took precedent over my studies, something that I will definitely learn from. He's one of those naturally smart types who can basically look at the book and absorb information via osmosis.

So that might be exaggerating. But that's how I felt.

This year, I am ahead of the game in the homework department. I spent the weekend doing assignments, reading, and preparing myself for this week's classes, and am caught up through Wednesday. This took a lot of determination and focus, but I'm proud of myself for getting through it all...it's kind of nice to be able to come home after class and not immediately have to start working again.

Last year at this time, I thought I had it all figured out.

This year, I don't.

And that has made all the difference.

♥ abigail

best month ever

Oh, hello there, October.

(Yes, I'm a day late with this...but dealing with a scratched cornea has been more inhibiting than I thought it would be!)

I have to get to work, so this is going to be very quick...

But I just had to tell the world that I love October.

It is the month with the best weather (cold and sunny), the best smells (fall, pumpkin spice, and apple cider), and the best treats (pumpkin everything, fresh apple cider).

I also get to wear the best clothes (scarves, sweaters, boots, and dresses paired with tights) and see the lovely city of Corvallis decked out in its own fall best (Oregon State's campus is so gorgeous this time of year).

October takes everything I love about fall and makes it better. What more could I ask out of a month?

♥ abigail

I'm famous

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

(This is one of the instances in which it doesn't mean be quiet, as explained in The Princess Diaries.)

"Shut up" is kind of my new catch-phrase. Along with "shut the front door". That one is actually my favorite.

But that is not the point right now.

Here is the point.

Remember that concert I went to last spring? Featuring the love of my life, Tyler Hilton? Read about it here if you don't remember...

Remember now?

Okay.

Well, at his concert he did this little sing-a-long thing for a music video he wanted to make. He recorded the crowd at each of his shows singing a line or two from his song "I Believe In You" (you can listen to it here).

Now it's a few months later...and he posted the video. I watched it, knowing that even if I wasn't seen in the video, I knew I was there and that's all that counted.

I watched happily, posted it on the facebook of the friend I went to the concert with, telling her I didn't see us but that we were there.

Something possessed me to watch it again, and this time I found myself! I was so excited. There I am, hanging out with good ol' Tyler Hilton in his music video...and that has made today a fantastic day, despite the fact that it's the worst day academically.

I'd embed the video in the post but since it doesn't belong to me, I'll just give you this link and tell you to check it out...there's a good view of me around 0:53 to 0:57.

See the blonde girl in the bottom left corner? Good. See the girl behind her and to the left? Okay good...then look behind her to the right, and there I am! I'm standing next to the tall guy (who is one of the few males in the shot).

And there you have it...my claim to fame :)

And what's even better than that, I see him in concert again on October 10!

Seriously, I love my life.

♥ abigail

i love my life

Today, I feel lazy.

I don't have class until 2:00. 2:00! If I had it my way, I would be completely finished with classes by 2:00.

I suppose I could change around my schedule, but I basically formatted my entire schedule around my 2:00 class, Spanish 311.

Spanish 311 is getting into the nitty-gritty grammar of Spanish, which is kind of disconcerting to me...this means there's no excuse for little goof-ups in compositions anymore! And the book has no information on culture. And it doesn't have any pictures.

So we'll see how that goes.

I took this class at this specific time because I love the professor. I had him for the entire 200 series of Spanish, and I found that his teaching style and my learning style were very compatible. I love when professors want you to learn rather than just absorb and regurgitate information for tests.

Because of this professor, my entire schedule is all sorts of crazy.

I have class at 2:00-2:50, 3:00-4:15, and 6:00-8:50 on Mondays. Not so thrilled about the late class, time-wise, but the class will be fabulous and probably result in many a deep-thinking blog post.

On Tuesdays, I have class at 8:30-9:50, work from 10:00-11:40, class from 12:00-1:20, then 2:00-3:20. This is a long day, and a very boring one. Good thing it ends with Glee, otherwise I might be going crazy at the end of it.

On Wednesdays, my day is supposed to start with class from 11:00-12:30, then 2:00-2:50, then 3:00-4:15. Today there was no lab at 11:00, so I slept in until 10:00. Not because I'm lazy...I've had a cold for a while and it's still working its way out of my system. I got up and did homework before taking a nap, and now I'm waiting class-time so I can do something productive with my life!

On Thursdays, my schedule is the same as Tuesdays except for no office hours. It will still be a boring day, one that doesn't end with Glee or any other TV show now that I've decided Grey's Anatomy is stupid.

On Friday, I have work from 11:30-1:30, then class from 2:00-2:50.

Oh, the life of a college student.

Throw in a lot of naps, gym time every day, too many trips to the grocery store, many a-PB&J, studying, and lots of laughter with the roommates, and you have my life.

I love my life.

♥ abigail

first day of school

Tonight I realized something important about myself:

I will always, always, always be excited for the first day of school.

I really can't help it.

As a kid, I looked forward to everything going back to school meant: new shoes, a new outfit, school supply shopping the second the supply list arrived at our house, seeing friends, even homework (I've always, always, always been a nerd as well).

Even now, I still look forward to these things. Obviously things have changed a bit, but some things remain the same.

I still get new shoes, but now they're more of a want than a need.

I still get new outfits, but rather than buy something specifically for school, I look for many ways and occasions to wear my clothes (including in professional settings because I'm old now).

I still look forward to school supply shopping (much like my movie heroine, Kathleen Kelly from You've Got Mail, who wishes she could send Joe Fox "a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils"). Something about new notebooks and pens and, yes, newly sharpened pencils (always Ticonderoga) is so welcoming to me. It's as if in these supplies there lies all sorts of possibility and promise for something wonderful to occur.

I still look forward to seeing friends, especially now that college is often the only thing we share...at the end of each year my friends and I go our separate ways for the summer, and it seems as if we lose touch until the school year rolls around again (I completely blame myself and my contentedness to be out of touch for this epidemic).

And yes, I still look forward to homework. Once it becomes overwhelming, I get over it, but there's always something so exhilarating about the first assignment of the year.

Tomorrow (today, technically) is the first day of school.

I've been moved into my house since Thursday and am absolutely loving it. It's so cute and charming and lovely and wonderful.

I love my roommates, I love my room, I love how close we are to campus and to college life.

I love the neighbors' noise that keeps me up at night, I love the sunshine that streams in my windows in the early morning, I love the easy one-block walk to my sister's apartment.

I love that my room this year is already more lived-in than my room last year, I love the creaky wood floors that I try to tread on lightly so as not to wake my sleeping roommates, I love the worn-in feel of my new home.

After a few days of settling in, I am ready for school to start. One can only sit on the front porch with Jane Eyre for so long before they get bored of reading and want to do something. Although Jane Eyre will soon be replaced with $250 worth of textbooks, at least it will be productive.

And although someday in the near future I will probably complain about the fact that it's too cold to sit on the front porch to read, as well as the fact that I no longer have time for Jane Eyre, for now I am embracing the excitement that the new school year always holds.

♥ abigail

weekend recap + a happy list = ♥

This weekend was a fabulous little glimpse of what my life will be like this year...and I couldn't be more excited to get back in the swing of college!

A brief recap of my weekend:

Friday

- Set up my bed frame (I now have a bed that isn't on the floor - score!)

- Worked two soccer games for my internship with the athletic department (this involves updating the game tracker throughout the game)

- "Decorated" my room (aka putting up my bulletin boards and adorning them with my pictures and quotes)

- Hung out with my roomies (this involved the awful-yet-delightful show Four Weddings)

Saturday

- Chopped my hair off

- Got ready for work with my roomie/co-worker (walking into each other's rooms to discuss outfits and when to get to work is far more fun than texting each other about it)

- Worked at the football game ("I'm not the biggest football fan" would be the understatement of the year for me, but I managed to make it through the game without getting too bored...I forgot how much I love my coworkers!)

- Returned to my lovely house full of roomies

- Went over to my sister's apartment to hang out

Sunday

- Church

- Went shopping with my momma and younger sister for back-to-school things (I found nothing I needed, but enjoyed being out with my mom and sister anyway)

- Relaxed

It was a full weekend, which I loved, but I haven't had a lot of time to write. I realized that I'm a much happier person when I'm utilizing some sort of creative outlet (and writing is about the only creative thing I can do, besides think...don't get me started on my lack of ability for anything remotely artistic), so I've decided that even when I don't have time to write about something deeply fabulous, I should still be writing something.

This decision caused me to remember the early days of my blog, when I made happy lists, much like this one. Remembering this led me to remembering how much happy lists improve my mood - for one, they're lists, but they're also reminders to me of just how blessed I am.

I think a lot of people (myself included) need a swift kick in the pants every now and again to remind us just how blessed we all are. Even in the worst times and darkest of days, I believe that there is something (or several things) to be grateful for.

Enter the happy list. I never want to be so bogged down in my own ish that I forget how fortunate I am. I find that to be inexcusable behavior in myself - it doesn't matter if I feel like my life is going the wrong way or if I've had a particularly awful day - there is no reason to let myself have such a negative attitude that it brings down everything good in my life.

And even when things are great, that doesn't mean I don't need my happy lists...in my opinion, those are the easiest times to make those lists because there are so many things to put on it.

All of that above rambling is my way of announcing to the world (or my three readers, whatever) that happy lists are going to be showing up in my blog more.

So here are some reasons as to why I'm happy these days...

1. J. Crew Factory Store has launched an online website.

This suddenly makes J. Crew affordable to me, which is dangerous, but I'm okay with that. Because, honestly? How cute is this top?

(image courtesy of jcrew.com)

Yeah, that's what I thought. Online shopping for me is like playing with fire...but don't worry, I limit myself!

2. How I Met Your Mother was back tonight.

I got hooked on this show this spring. I was having a hard time of being alone without some sort of distraction after my breakup, so I filled the silence with this fantastic show...I watched all five seasons. Three times. Each. Needless to say, I am addicted. I got my older sister and younger brother addicted as well, so we were all very excited for it's return tonight. My brother and I watched it together and were not disappointed. Oh, the return of fall TV...I love and loathe it. But right now, mostly love.

3. Glee is back tomorrow.

I watch too much TV. I'll admit that right now. But I figure as long as everything I need to do gets done and I don't turn into a complete couch potato, I'll be okay. I started watch Glee a few weeks ago with my younger sister after she got her wisdom teeth out. She started watching it online and I fell in love. We are beyond excited for tomorrow's episode.

4. Accomplished everything on my to-do list today.

It was a long list, which makes that even more exciting. I had quite a few errands to run, and I accomplished them all in about two hours, which I consider to be very successful. One of these errands was depositing $42 in the bank...in coins. And no quarters were involved - just nickels, dimes, and pennies. I think the teller was very grateful that I had already rolled everything...and I was very grateful for money for new shoes!

5. I sent people mail today.

I love receiving mail, so I'm assuming other people do as well...I love writing letters, so I did just that today. Two friends will be receiving things from me in the next few days, which makes me very happy. See this post for more details about my love of letters...did you know they're raising the cost of postage again? That makes me sad for our mail system...I love old-fashioned mail! I'm making it my mission to give our postal carriers something to do, so I think I should invest in stamps again before prices are jacked up on me!

6. I'm loving my new haircut.

I have this weird thing about not taking pictures by myself, so I won't be able to show the world my new do for a while, but I can just tell you - I'm obsessed. I hadn't gotten it cut for six months (gross), so it was getting pretty long and raggedy...any semblance of bangs I used to have were gone, and the ends were split up the wazoo. I decided to be brave (my roomie had to coax me a little bit) and cut it right to my shoulders with a lovely little sideswept bang (that cannot be tucked behind my ears, which was always my cop-out on getting bangs). I love love love it.

7. I am all packed for school.

On Sunday after my shopping expedition with my momma and sista, I decided I would clean my room and pack for school. Cleaning my room proved itself to be a huge challenge...for some reason I feel the need to save everything I have ever received/made/stumbled upon. In my entire life. What do I really want with old, dried-up corsages from homecomings and proms? Or post-it notes with cryptic notes scrawled on them? Nothing, that's what! So I threw out and recycled most of my high school experience (or so it seems), and packed up what was left...save from the items on hangers in my closet, everything's packed up and ready to go to my new room at school.

8. I am SO excited to get back to school.

This year is going to be great...I can feel it. I love my house and its location, I love my job, I love my room, I love my roommates, I love the direction my year is taking. I am so ready to dive into new classes, new school supplies, and new experiences.

9. My cousin wants to be pen pals.

My uncle is in the Navy, so my cousins have lived all over the place for as long as I can remember. When we were younger (aka before the days of facebook), we kept in touch via snail mail. Today he asked if I wanted to start that up again, and it made my day. I really need to go get those stamps now! (See number 5. But surprisingly, he wasn't one of the people I sent letters to today.)

10. "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver.

I can't explain my love for this song. Please just listen to it here. Be prepared to fall in love.

11. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.

This was recommended to me by a friend. I read it in one day - I loved it. Granted, it doesn't take a lot for me to love a book, but this one was actually of good quality. The writing was beautiful and the story was intriguing. The movie came out (in select theaters, which means no where near me) last week, and I'm anxious to see it. I definitely recommend reading it!

And this concludes this evening's happy list...why are you happy today?

♥ abigail

fill in the blank friday :)

Thanks to the lovely Lauren at the little things we do..., I have something to do at 1:14 a.m. while I wait for my laundry to finish drying! And if I'm being honest, which I always am, I've been waiting for Fill In the Blank Friday all week long.

I've officially run out of things to do this summer, and with 10 days until school starts up again, I'm looking for things to occupy my time - there are only so many books I can read before my head is full, things I can bake before I run out of ingredients, and so many episodes of Law and Order: SVU I can watch before I feel violated in some way...

So thank you, Lauren, for giving me something to do! If you'd like to play along, make sure to link up to her blog, and check it out while you're there! It's definitely one of my favorites.

1. When I get a day to myself I like to do whatever it is I've been wanting to do that requires my family to be out of the house. While I'm at my parents' house and I get a day when everyone is gone, I like to bake something delicious and then clean the entire house, all the while listening to my music. With so many people around all the time, it can get a bit chaotic. For some reason, I can't work in the kitchen if anyone else is in there, I can't clean if other people are in the same room, and I can't fully enjoy my music unless my siblings aren't around to offer their peanut gallery comments (my music taste, while far from eclectic, isn't what they'd consider to be mainstream, so they have trouble appreciating it)

2. High school was a time in my life when I thought I had it all figured out. I know better now, but it was still a good feeling! I loved high school - there were only 130 of us per class, so we knew everyone in our grade pretty well. I was on top of the world in high school. I was involved in everything I could be from sports to leadership to newspaper, so I felt like I ran the school.

3. A little dream I have is to live in a pretty little house by the ocean, a meadow, or my sisters. Bonus points if it's all of the above!

4. A big dream I have is to find my real passion and pursue it happily for the rest of my life.

5. If I could drive any car, my pick would be...not a clue! I know nothing about cars, and have often received lectures about the differences between cars and trucks and vans and pick-ups and whatnot. I only differentiate between cars and trucks. I would really just be happy with something that runs.

6. A time that I felt really and truly beautiful was when I was in California this summer. For some reason, no make up + a little sunshine + a lot of family love is the perfect equation to make me feel like a pretty girl. Not to mention there was a cute boy who was telling me I was beautiful, which is always a step in the right direction...

7. Tomorrow I will...be up and at 'em bright and early to take a load of stuff to my house at school. Then it'll be off to work at a soccer tournament for my internship with the athletic department before I head back to my house to unpack and start getting settled in with my new roomies.

♥ abigail