Saturday, April 17, 2010

advice from abigail...

I wrote this a while ago on my old blog, but I still feel it is relevant advice, so here it is again:

So last night I didn't get a lot of sleep. Sometimes that happens to me, and I can always tell when that's the case. It's kind of nice, because then I'm prepared for it. I was feeling like it was going to be one of those nights, and it was confirmed when my phone loudly burst into song (my ringtone is "Smile" by Uncle Kracker) at 1:11 a.m.

I was startled out of my near-asleep state and looked at my phone and saw that it was my best friend calling. He isn't the type to call so late/early, so I was a bit concerned and I answered. He recently (read: in November, but that's recent when it was a three-year relationship) broke up with his girlfriend, so I prepared for a mini-counseling session.

On the other line I didn't find what I was expecting (a depressed, maybe sniffling, boy who just needed a friend), but the complete opposite (a happy, bubbly, can-hardly-stop-talking-because-I'm-so-excited boy). The conversation began as follows:


"I can't believe you answered!"

(This came as a surprise to him because I rarely answer my phone.)

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing! I'm just really, really, really happy right now and wanted to talk to you! I just got back from a date."

(The above sentence woke me right up. Any sign of a date when someone has recently broken up with someone is a good sign. Always remember that.)

"A date?!? With who?!?"

(Please note that this was screeched. I apologize to my roommate who was probably woken up. I forgot to mention in my previous post that in addition to talking often, I also talk loudly.)

And so our conversation began. He went on a date and was very excited about it and wanted to share. Which was sweet. But it was still 1:00 a.m. I need my beauty sleep. Always. And by "beauty" I mean "non-grumpy" sleep. Because if I get less than eight hours of sleep a night, chances are that I will be grumpy the next day. He should know that by now...we've been friends since we were 6-years-old.

Anyway, as we were talking about the date, he asked advice for when he should call her next. (This is where my advice comes in, by the way. You should take notes.)

I informed him that I have never believed in "rules" when it comes to dating. Who decided that calling immediately after a date is a sign of desperation? Or that girls shouldn't call guys until they're officially together because it is, again, a sign of desperation? Those "rules" are outdated and should be broken.

I informed my best friend of this.

"Call her now. Or text her."

"Now? I shouldn't wait until tomorrow or something?"

"Well, don't you want to talk to her now?"

"Yeah, but I don't know if I should text her yet..."

And that is when I began my rant of how you should call when you want to. He was blown away.

And he did just that.

So, what did we learn today?

0. Abigail doesn't like to be woken up. Unless it's really important. I don't have a set list of what's important. I'll work on that, for future reference.

That's not the important advice. I numbered it 0 to show that it isn't anything you need to remember. But you might want to, so it still warranted recognition.

1. In relationships, you should never play games (unless you're playing board games, which I find completely acceptable and enjoyable).

Whether it was your first date or your first anniversary, why would you want to risk anything just by playing games or following "rules"?

By not calling after the first date (when you want to), you're ignoring your feelings. If the other person didn't enjoy the date as much as you did and you end up calling them, they may complain to their friends about how you're smothering them, and then you'll learn pretty quickly that that's not the kind of person you want to be dating. If you had a good time and they had a good time, why not talk about it together instead of sitting at home, eating ice cream and watching reruns of Sex and the City?

It doesn't make you seem desperate if you just want the person to know you had a good time. So call them, text them, tweet them, e-mail them, facebook them...the possibilities these days are endless, so why not take advantage of them? No need to wait for a three-day rule or whatever. That is just a mean game, and either party may feel shunned and/or lose interest at any point. If you want to see them again, let them know. It's a nicer way of calling 'dibs'.

And as for playing games...I think they're dumb. I never have understood playing hard-to-get when all you really want to be is 'gotten'. I've never grasped flirting with other people to make the object of your interest jealous. To me, these things are just asking to be ignored/avoided/forgotten about/dumped. Be honest with your feelings, and if the other person has a problem with that, they probably aren't the kind of person you want to be with.

♥ abigail

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