the pit

The pit of doom.

The cave.

Where sunshine goes to die.

These are the things I call my apartment.

My apartment and I have a love-hate relationship. But mostly, I just love to hate it.

From the beginning, I was wary about it. My roommate and I were a bit late in the game at finding a place to live, and our best option was located about a mile from campus.

Once I got past the location, I tried to see the positives of it. But I couldn't. Because it really is where sunshine goes to die. You see, my apartment faces north. Or south. (I'm really bad with directions - in one of my better moments, I proclaimed, "North is up and south is down!" to my entire youth group.) And when inside, there are windows on one side and a breezeway (which means just a plain ol' wall inside) on the other. The side that does have windows is also sided by a large hedge and the large house next door. Long story short, no sun.

Remember how much I love the sun?

Yes. It's a problem. I need sun. Absolutely crave it. Can't function without it. Feel like a sad lonely shell of a person when it doesn't come around for a day or two. I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. The symptoms are the following, according to the Mayo Clinic:

- Depression (I'm typically a bubbly, happy person...except that suspiciously goes away when the sun does.)

- Hopelessness (yes)

- Anxiety (I'm also typically an anxious person, but that is definitely something heightened by the lack of sun.)

- Loss of energy (Even with 8 hours of sleep a night, I still wander around in some sort of lack-of-sunshine trance.)

- Social withdrawal (Once I'm home, I'm home and have minimal human contact until I leave the pit the next morning.)

- Oversleeping (uh-huh)

- Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed (yup)

- Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates (You don't even know...bread is like a drug to me these days.)

- Weight gain (nah)

- Difficulty concentrating and processing information (The other day I had a mini-panic attack because I needed 2/3 cup of butter for a recipe, and my brain could simply not compute how to do that without taking 1/3 cup from two different sticks...don't worry, I freaked out enough that my sister assisted me. I'm glad I can blame that struggle on something.)

I have officially diagnosed myself with SAD. At least I'll know how to handle it when the rain comes around again...but lucky for me, the sun is just starting to more consistently show its face, thank God! Unfortunately, my apartment still doesn't get much light...

So you can see how the apartment is kind of a spirit-killer for me. I don't like to spend time there, which isn't exactly a good quality for a home.

Next year I will have four roommates and live a block away from campus in a house that receives plenty of sunshine.

Hopefully this will do wonders for my demeanor, as well as the names I end up calling my new place...

The pit (of sunshine).

The cave (of sunbeams).

Where sunshine goes (to hang out).

Here's to hoping!

♥ abigail